19 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before Turning 20

Serious Life lessons here people

The start of a new decade. For me I am just beginning and I wish someone could have told me what to except while I approach "adulthood." In a world full of millennials we are so quick to throw things away, replace what we once had, and build a plan that starts tomorrow. What I have found through many conversations is 99% of us feel like we are alone when it comes to hardship, pain and uncomfortable situations - this is BS. Instead of promoting the newest toy we just bought, how many followers we have or what we have accomplished in life up to this point lets start supporting each other.. lets talk about DEBT cause we ALL have it. We ALL stress about it in secrecy yet we all have FOMO and refuse to turn down a bar night or weekend away because we have to do it for the 'gram. Lets talk about depression, anxiety, the fact we have nothing to talk about so we force ourselves into shitty situations so we have something to talk about. If we could all realize that we aren't alone when it comes to actually struggling and we stop sugar coating our lives with fake attention from your 10K followers or lack of so therefore I must suck we would all be in a better place.. 

Here are the 19 things I wish someone would have told me before I turned 20.  

1. It is OKAY to leave any situation, any person or any place that makes you feel like shit.  It is that simple. At 20 something years old you could be in many situations, maybe preparing to start paying of some school debt, start school, you are working your first 'real world job'. You are slowly moving down the life line nearing marriage, a family, a house with a white picket fence if we want to relate to fairy tails so you get scared... you force yourself to stay in situations because your mom says "welcome to the real world" whenever you express your anger as if this is normal..  Learn now you make a change and FUCK making an explanation or excuse to support your choice. No one needs to know, leave them guessing. 

2. Get to know who the fuck you are Not just what you do when you are home alone, get to know personal shit. What makes you tick, what puts you over the moon, what makes your heart beat so fast, and what makes your blood boil. You are going to need to know these things so when you get asked in job interviews what your hobbies are so you don't just say "the gym". Also by figuring out who you really are as a young adult, will help you to quickly decide who belongs in your life and who doesn't because you know who you can be friends with and who you can not.

3. Learn to be accountable You are going to make mistakes, some may be huge mistakes. Learning to admit to those mistakes will allow for growth. You are also going to have to stick up for yourself a lot.. no one else will take this role no matter how much you believe they are your 'ride or die'. Learning to acknowledge your mistakes and your rights will become crucial these upcoming years.

4. SOMEONE is going to call you crazy People around your age are also trying to find themselves.. likely down a different path then what you are on. Be prepared to hear you are crazy! many times. Learn to not allow it to effect who you are.  You are not crazy - the world is fucking crazy you are just looking for stability. 

5. Do not compare your quite lawls in life to someones highlight reel. Again I relate this to my opening statement, the world is large and full of many people doing many many things. As you sit in bed on a quite Friday night and watch 60 snapchat stories of people out partying, at the cottage, about to jump out of a plane. Don't get down on yourself and say that your life isn't as exciting as the next persons. Maybe you are more reserved and choose to save your money instead of going out.. but understand that in this exact time people are posting the very best 10-15 seconds of their day or night. Your life as a whole up to this point has had many exciting moments, just right now you are not livin it up to broadcast all over social media. 

6. You are going to have moments of unbearable pain Learning how to heal your heart is a new territory for you right now. Many situations you are about to find yourself in you have been hidden from by your parents due to lack of maturity. These scars and wounds will soon serve as battle scars - marks on your map of life that symbolize where you've been and what you are capable of. I promise one day it won't hurt so bad. 

7. You will face unbearable loneliness  You are still learning how to love yourself and fully be entertained with solely your presence. No one can love you like you can love yourself, understand this. If you can learn to turn your unbearable loneliness into soothing solitude you will be able to give and receive truly transformative love. 

8. Find something that rocks your world - that requires no explanation to others. Personally, if I don't put my headphones on and hit the gym alone, drive down a country road blaring some old school country as loud as my '04 sun fire will allow it to go, or find myself hiking to a lookout point just in time to catch the sunset at least once a week the world doesn't make sense. If I were to go a month without these things, that is when I become a total inconsolable wreck. Find these things that no one can take from you and stay loyal to them. 

9. The world you are about to live in is SICK. People are walking around like plague looking to latch onto someone and suck the life out of them. It will come out in peoples bias opinions, in private messages you will receive.. everyone is trying to just survive and feel something other then what they are currently feeling. These people will suck the love right out of you .. allow it to happen once or twice so you understand how to differentiate between friends and faux. You can grow back from a loveless husk, it will take time but you will find yourself again. When you do only walk alongside people who see you as equal, not people looking to be saved.

10. Do not fuck with lovers that don't prioritize pleasure You are young. You may not feel like it.. but you have a long path a head of you. Do not stick with anyone who doesn't allow you to explore, express yourself and ultimately radiate pure bliss. No matter what the circumstance.   

11. You are not responsible for the actions of someone who hated themselves so much they hurt you on purpose. No explanation needed. 

12. You are NOT your job.  Your job is a paycheque. Your job is food on the table, a roof over your head. But your job is not who you are it is what you are good at to survive. You are a beautiful person who loves long walks to a lookout point, who loves sunsets. You are not the first generation to fight for the right to live - but understand your job will allow you to live. Don't get lost in your 9-5 routine make that routine your bitch.. milk it for all your worth so you can go and live your goddamn life. 

13. Going to college is an accomplishment This is huge, but this does not make you any smarter then the next person. You don't graduate "out" of the class you came from and you never really make it "in" to the class you aspire to. 

14. Take your struggle to your community, and find community in those whose struggles intersect.  It is only by understanding and supporting one another that we will ever make sense of this destroyed world. Not everyone is out to get you.  

15. You DO not have to live the cookie cutter life.  You made a plan at 14 to have your kids and be married by 23. Throw that out the window. Stop stressing over the fact that you aren't going to live up to your dreams as a little girl and start loving the idea that by 23 is the new 14, with huge aspirations and dreams. 

16. You're about to be broke AF It doesn't go away. You make more money to spend on more expenses. Get smart with your money because whenever you finally feel some stress release from paying off a bill or large expense another will come. There is no such thing as being an adult and being comfortable finically unless you learn to get smart with money.  17. Never take validation to deeply to heart. Especially as you grow up in the world of social media. Find validation in the ratio between how positivity you impact yourself and others versus how you fuck up and hurt others. You will hurt others. Be accountable for this, when you need to be, be mindful how often this happens in relation to how many people you help grow.  None of us can be saints but we can be salient. 

18. Do not carry broken people who are not in the process of rebuilding themselves.  19. You are inherently valuable. You have so much worth, and so much love to give to this world. Don't let anyone take that from you. Ask no one for permission to voice this worth.   

Most importantly.. feed yourself with all the self love in the world bitch, you deserve that shit. 

- Ash

#Lessons #Growth #Change #20